Starting Over

Today is day 1! Everyone on my team is doing a specific program except for me.

Dude do you know how left out I was feeling? I just felt lonely lol sounds crazy I know!

But we all usually do things together so when you aren’t it just feels odd…

The reason being my doctor didn’t clear me to do the program!

Right now it’s too intense for me! ME THE INSANITY MAX 30 queen?!!?

Yup… thanks a lot #thyroid

My thyroid is out of whack which in turn is making my blood pressure sky rocket.

I could feel sad and hopeless and just sit around and start stuffing my face (oh I did for a week 🤫)!

But what good will that do?

So today it’s my day 1 TOO! My day 1 of dancing my way through my journey!

I won’t be left behind I am right there with my girls and my team!

WE ARE WHAT WE DECIDE BRUH!

Decide today you want to be better.

Join me and I’ll help you learn to live a life based on NEEDS and not FEELINGS!

MY goal is to HEP YOU not give up!

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This life chose me…

Social media is funny but it doesn’t lie. (Yea it does but keep on reading)

I get a sense that most people that follow me or know me in real life love every single thing I post and share except when it comes to Leilani. I can see how people look around or get nervous the second I mention her name, or how I post something and I’ll get 1 like and I post my earth humans I’ll get 103 likes.

I get it “so depressing” right? (I’ve heard this so much that I am so self conscious whenever I am making a post)

BUT get this the five minutes you are in my shoes you can’t handle (or just don’t give a fuck) imagine LIVING my life everyday? Can’t right?

Oh trust me I’d give anything for this to not be my trial. If my little girl were here I’d probably be complaining how sassy she is and how badly I need a vacation… but that’s not the case.

So before you mark me off as “a depressing person” remember this is my life and I didn’t choose it… and I am living it the only way I know how give me some credit ya’ll.

As humans we all have hardships and things that hurt us. Things that we will never get over of. Things that no matter how much we try to remain the same it is not possible. Things that change the shit out of us… things that make you bury the person you were.

As an angel mom I am not even an ounce the person I once was.

In all honesty that is one of the reason’s why I couldn’t heal. I was holding on to something that wasn’t there any longer. That innocence was gone, that love and desire was gone…… until I learned to accept who I had become.

I no longer was innocent, but I now appreciate life more.
I no longer was in love with life, but now I AM LIVING and loving it.
I no longer was hopeful, but now I am so so hopeful and expect good.
I no longer had meaning, but now I have found my purpose.

I have found joy!!!!! There is nothing better than that. NOTHING!

Triggered!

For the most part I am okay.

For the most part I am completely happy.

For the most part I can function at my everyday duties.

For the most part my smiles are genuine.

For the most part I am okay.

And then I see/hear/smell/taste/feel something that reminds me of her and that’s it.

This hat is HER… she would’ve loved it! She would’ve wanted it I know it.

My girl I miss you. I miss what you could’ve been. I miss the expectation. I miss the life I dreamed I’d have with you.

I just wish you could’ve had a chance to know how much I love you.

Tomorrow will be a better day but today I miss you more than yesterday….💜 Leilani.

Daily Reminders

I find myself looking on Social Media and comparing myself to every single person I see.

So here is a reminder:

▫️

I am Ingrid Santana.

I am a mother of three.

I have hypothyroidism.

I am enough.

I am not them.

I am ME.

I am on my own journey.

I can’t compare to anyone because they aren’t me.

I am not going to give up.

I am a conqueror.

▫️

If you too find yourself comparing yourself do the same. Make a list of what makes you YOU!

My Morning Routine

My miracleSo you guys always ask my on Instagram WHY DO YOU WAKE UP SO EARLY?

Well if you don’t follow my Instastories (you really should I think I am pretty cool, but you can determine that yourself) you are wondering what I am talking about…. Well a I’ve been waking up to workout before my family does for the past 5 months now (with the occasional sleeping in F that I get tired lol.) and now for the past 2 weeks I am waking up even earlier to spend time with myself. CRAZY yes but so worth it. Was it easy at first HECK NO I hated it…but desire and mostly my buzz buzz power kept me up and going through it.

I now no matter how tired I am (unless I am cranky then F it) I wake up! I look forward to it!

I am happy to share with you guys my timeline for MOST of my early morning:


5:15 AM- wake up to greatness boo!
5:20 AM- put on my workout clothes
5:25 AM- get on my knees or sit down on the floor and give thanks.
5:30 AM- sit down and focus on my breath and say whatever I did for that day (I am a masterpiece, I am able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me.)
5:45 AM- read or listen to anything I need (Ex: You are a badass, power of I am, Seize the day)
5:55 AM- Write down what I am thankful for today.
6:00 AM- Drink my buzz buzz power.
6:10 AM- press play
6:30 AM- wake Liam up
7:00 AM finished my workout take my sweaty selfie If not it didn’t happen lol⇑


There have been many days I have woken up at 4:30 AM just to get more time with MYSELF. Meditation has changed my life for the better. Don’t get me wrong I thought it was the stupidest thing EVER. You couldn’t tell me nothing about it. But when you don’t have anything else to live for you try anything and everything.My miracle (1)

I love the silence. I love how I feel after I do it. I feel accomplished.

I am a better mom, wife, human when I take this extra time for myself BEFORE I need to deal with the world.

Hypothyroidism

What is Hypothyroidism anyway_ (1)According to  This article  Hypothyroidism is a thyroid disease that affects people globally. Two- to three-percent of Americans have hypothyroidism; 10-15% mild hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism affects women more than men. The thyroid gland is located in the neck and secretes hormones into the blood, which are then carried into the body’s tissues. The thyroid gland mainly produces a hormone called thyroxine (T4), which is then converted by each of the body’s organs to the active form triiodothyronine (T3). They both work to keep the body’s organs functioning properly. Thyroid hormone is important for regulation of body temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, and metabolism.

Having hypothyroidism is extremely serious. Hormones just lose control and nothing works properly. Not being diagnosed on time is the reason I lose Leilani. All of the symptoms I had I thought were because I was pregnant.

Before I used to only have high blood pressure only when I was pregnant, but because of Hypothyroidism I now have it always.

This is the reason I focus so much on being fit and aiming to eat as healthy as possible. I will always have these diseases BUT maintaining  a healthy lifestyle makes it easier to control and helps keep me in the safe zones.

Losing weight with hypothyroidism is super hard! I know for a fact that if I didn’t have it I’d be at my weight goal already. It just slows everything down its horrible.

Always pay attention to your body. I wish I knew about this before maybe my little girl would’ve been here with us. Spreading awareness one post at a time.♥

10 things I can’t live without

We all have things (Materialistic things)  that we can’t do without… well here are mine!

10 things I can't live without! (1)

  1. my phone! I don’t care what anyone thinks but I need my phone. It’s where I have everything! I put all my reminders and everything on there.
  2. a nail clipper HAHAHAHA yes that… I can’t be with a hang nail or my nails feeling ragged lol! It makes me cranky!!!!
  3. My sleeping bear! I can’t sleep without it….I just can’t I’ve tried and its just not a good thing.
  4. My eyebrow makeup kit. nyx eyebrow gel , la girl concealer and of course the spoolie brush! If I had to choose from all of my makeup I would choose the items I use to fix my eyebrow! I can’t live without them.
  5. My pregnancy body pillow. I didn’t know how much I needed this pillow until I got pregnant and my husband bought it for me. We fight because we have a king sized bed and the pillow takes most of the space LMFAO!!!!!!!!
  6. my fitness tracker Fuel Band. and apple watch. I love it! It motivates the shit out of  me!
  7. Aquaphor! Dudes I can’t have dry lips or hands for the life of me lol! I just can’t!
  8. My bible! Yes I never ever thought I’d NEED a bible. But After losing Leilani I dove into the word and wow it’s something I need daily!
  9. Portable battery pack! Holy shit after getting this item for summit two years ago! I can’t live without it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best investment ever!
  10. My “Living for Leilani” bracelet I cant be without it… I feel bad when I don’t have it. I love looking down at it and remembering why I need to keep pushing forward.♥

What are things you can’t live without? Comment below!

Let’s do a little throwback..

In honor of throwback Thursday I decided to go back and think of my fondest childhood memory…Lord this day was EPIC! We laughed, cried, LAUGHED again…

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We were so excited we got all dressed up and Grandma already warned us to behave and not embarrass her if not she would never take us with her again. It was my sister, my cousin and I.

We were heading to Times Square, to a restaurant called Carmines with the OG (that’s grandma by the way the Original Gangsta ♥) The whole ride she warned us again to behave that we better control those giggles! (FYI the more she said it the more we fucking laughed)!!

So we finally get to this place we had been hearing about for two days. We meet up with my grandma’s old boss who in her eyes was like a son to her… He was always so glad to see us and treated us like family! He starts telling us that the food is so good and that we going to enjoy it!

So lets fast forward a bit we eat and we already on our way back home….at this point we are all full, tired and ready for bed. I notice OG is sweating her ass off. I say grandma you sweating a lot… she says “yea this wig is making me hot.” We all look at each other like NO please don’t take it off!!!!!! My cousin begged her to not take it off… ladies and gentleman she took off her wig on the the public MTA BUS!!!!!!!! 

My sister and cousin were pale from embarrassment this in turn made my grandma laugh so hard…so here she was dressed to kill with her wig in hand and laughing like a maniac!!!!!!

The bus driver and her were laughing together it was so hilarious and we the kids all had serious ready to die faces.

The irony to me was that she told us a million times that day don’t embarrass me…yet she embarrassed the shit out of us HAHAHAHAHAHA

I HAVE NEVER EVER FORGOTTEN this! This is the best image and memory from my childhood that I have. She didn’t give two fucks what anyone thought and she looked so so so so happy!

MY grandma was such an amazing human..if I could be a third of what she was I’d be so grateful!

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