A mother’s love or NOT…

I know I know… we question what we can’t understand.

And we aren’t in that same situation.

And maybe I feel this way 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝖨 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝐿𝑒𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑖…

My kids drive me insane. They make me wonder why I thought I’d be a good mother… They keep me busy, they need me every second of the
day (and night in some cases)… Dude it is literally 24/7!!!
They have made contemplate adulting..!! Some days I want a refund… I don’t like or sugarcoat parenting is 𝖧𝖠𝖱𝖣!

But in the same mouth full I just gave you… I have a even bigger mouth full of all the 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗺𝘆 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲…

So this is why I don’t understand HOW I’ve been seeing so many situations where Mothers chose men over their children!
I saw four episodes of fatal vows on Investigation Discovery channel and in all women left their kids behind because they were in love with someone else.

I can’t even imagine leaving my children behind for anything… let alone in a place where they will be hurt. I don’t know but my kids are mine and I just can’t see myself walking away and leaving them.

I pray I am never in a situation like this but I am a mother first then everything else.

Featured post

2 years ago I was in the best shape of my adult life after having kids!

Holy crap I worked so hard… I was so happy in my skin… I have been working to find that Ingrid again but come on who am I kidding! I need to find the new Ingrid who is 𝑁𝑂𝑊 𝑎 𝑚𝑜𝑚 𝑜𝑓 𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑟.

I need to focus on bettering this Ingrid instead of trying to get back to that Ingrid.

Everyday we are a different version of ourselves it is up to us to decide what actions to take to better ourselves.

I’ve decided to take my power back! Now that I’ve seen my thyroid doctor and he’s adjusted my meds, in conjunction with eating better and working out I will see change.

Are you ready to see results? Don’t have the tools? Well I gotcha! We can start off by doing intermittent fasting TOGETHER! I am doing a 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 group on it starting August 19th!

𝐖𝐡𝐨’𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞??? 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑠!

One day at a time!

You look at me and wouldn’t think that yesterday I had the hardest day I’ve had all 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛?

That yesterday I complained from sun up to sun down?

That nothing mattered.

That I literally had nothing to look forward too.

That I was pissed at God and question every single thing I have experienced?

Yup I had a hard day… BUT LOOK AT GOD… today I woke up 𝗯𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱, 𝗲𝘅𝗰𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝘇𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘!

Sometimes shit happens but you just 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 in order to pass and get better!

The old me would’ve stayed down for days but not anymore. I have no guilt, no shame! I am human and it’s okay to have a bad day… just don’t stay there!

𝖫𝗂𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝖺𝗍 𝖺 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾. 𝖦𝗈𝖽 𝗀𝗈𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄.♡

National PTSD Day

If I see a hospital blanket I get triggered.

If I smell lavender I get triggered.

If I see purple I get triggered.

If I smell a certain bath soap I get triggered.

If I see a rainbow in the sky I get triggered.

If I see a pregnant woman I get triggered.

If I see a girl Leilani’s age I get triggered.

I eat spicy food I get triggered.

I take the B or Q train I get triggered.

If I hear John Legend’s song “All of me” I get triggered.

When I cross the Manhattan or Brooklyn bridge I get triggered.

If I hear the group Aventura I get triggered.

If I do the workout T25 I get triggered.

If I look in the mirror I get triggered.

Why am I telling you these things?

Today is National PTSD Day.

Having this isn’t easy, I am triggered daily… but but I live, love and laugh STILL.

After losing Leilani I am not the same but I still find ways to better me. Don’t give up guys. Grief will come but there is happiness while suffering at the same time.

Damn Ingrid you workout too much!

“Damn Ingrid why you go so hard? Damn Ingrid all you do is workout! Damn Ingrid you workout too much! Damn Ingrid but you don’t take a break! Damn Ingrid we get it you like to workout!”

Just some of a few things I’ve heard… but guess what? I DO LOVE TO WORKOUT and here’s why…

Look at them eyes in that photo. Y’all I’m going to be so real it’s going to maybe make some of y’all sad… you could’ve handed me a blade and I would’ve taken it and took the easy way! I had to desire. No reason to live. (In my mind that is..) I didn’t care about what I had here on Earth! I just wanted what I have in heaven…..

L E I L A N I.

Yes it’s crazy how you can have it all and feel like you have nothing at all. It’s crazy that you smile and feel nothing at all.

I just felt hopeless, lost, unworthy, unloved, unlucky… every UN in the dictionary!

It’s more than physical it’s a desire to sooth my soul! Something that only comes with self care.

Grief is lonely. Grief is a thief. Grief is a liar. Grief is scary. Grief is dark! Grief is endless!

But through my journey I have found light. I found the TRUE ME!

I am LEILANI’S MOTHER… but I am also Liam, Leighton, and Langston’s Mother. I am Argenis’s wife! I am their stronghold as they are mine.

So my friends this is why I go so hard. Because my workouts help me hone in on my true self!

Oh yes I have bad days it’s not always easy but you know what… #dowhatyouhavetonotwhatyoufeel is my motto and it helps me survive on a daily basis!

So tell me are you ready to hone in on yourself and find the true YOU? YES? Well then comment below..

I am ready! And I will message you details! Don’t miss out y’all life is too short to bullshit!!!!!!

8 months postpartum difference!

My Langy made 8 months today so of course I had to bring out the comparison photos!

8 months apart!

I believe in stepping out and winning when you feel defeated!

I felt that belly would never leave me. 4 emergency C sections and horrible trauma to my abdomen muscle I thought I was stuck this time. BUT GOD and dedication!

I am taking 10 ladies who just want to feel better and look better to join me!

Message me or comment below! And let’s go!

Fitness and Postpartum Depression

Both pictures I am 11 weeks and 1 day postpartum. Both pictures I have postpartum depression. Both pictures I have PTSD. Both pictures I miss my daughter.

But in the first picture I am hiding. Hiding behind “things”, hiding behind makeup. I never admitted I wasn’t okay. I welcomed death I wanted nothing but to be with Leilani.

In the second picture I still get grief attacks, I still miss my daughter but I don’t wish to be with her. Not because I don’t love her but because I have so much to live for, I am so blessed.

I NOW know my worth. I now know that losing Leilani wasn’t my fault. I still would give anything to have her but I know that isn’t realistic and when my time comes we shall be together again.

If I wasn’t active before I got pregnant or during my pregnancy I wouldn’t be where I am today.I dropped all the baby weight by week 5! Yes I am still flabby and have a belly but I am no where near where I was after I had Leighton.

My heart is full and I am grateful.

Man I tell y’all get yourself on track! A fitness journey is more than about looks it’s about a spiritual, mental and physical change!

The Tree of Life

In lo of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.

What do you do when the tree of life does the opposite? How do you even trust again for it to work the next time?

I have a love and hate relationship with placentas. With my boys I had placenta previa and my boys survived. With my daughter I had no issues and she didn’t survive.

On one hand it gave my children life, kept them breathing, kept them comfy, kept them alive.

On the other hand it failed my daughter. There are many factors in pregnancy, but the placenta is extremely vital. In Leilani’s case it decided to sever off completely leaving her without oxygen, blood flow and there for her heart stopped beating.

This beautiful tree of life that’s supposed to help us grow and development excel did the opposite for her.

There are many reasons a placental abruption can happen ,but in my case it was the undiagnosed thyroid that caused it.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑