Oh how I miss my little girl….
I miss that I’ll never get to fix her hair, that I’ll never see what color she would’ve been.
Last night I was struck with a pang of sadness… I wanted so many things with her.
Sad I will never have her, sad that I will never have a water birth like I planned with her.
Sad that I’ll never know what life would’ve been like if I had her.
My dream has always been to have a little girl, naturally and I will never have that.
Before just saying that out loud would make me feel like the unluckiest person in the world. But not anymore.
I now know that life will not always go your way but it is up to you at how you react to it.
I now react to it with a reminder of how blessed I am to be alive.
Everyone knows I lost Leilani but most don’t know that I almost lost my life along with her.
I was saved by her…. LITERALLY.
If she lived I would’ve died. The doctors wouldn’t have noticed that I was hemorrhaging. they wouldn’t have noticed that I had lost 72% of my blood. They wouldn’t have noticed that my blood wasn’t clotting. They didn’t even know where the blood was coming from…so imagine.
They wouldn’t have noticed shit because they would’ve been caring for her.
Whenever I am down and question things I remind myself that I am lucky to be alive. That in turn makes me want to live, live for her, live with a purpose!!!!!!!
I am heartbroken but I am blessed beyond measure!
You can turn your life around. Just believe…just take inventory of what you have and remind yourself how blessed you are.
Love always making Lemonade Queen