My what if baby…

This is my little girl. This is my dream come true… this is my prized possession. Yup she is.

She’s not my favorite she’s my what if. Losing her has created an endless list of “what if’s”.

What kills me the most isn’t that I didn’t get a chance… but that she didn’t. She won’t know how much I love her, or how her brothers would’ve annoyed her. She won’t have her first kiss, she won’t be able to tell me that she loves her dad the most, she won’t get married and have kids. She won’t have to call me in the middle of the night just to say that she loves me. She’s forever frozen in time… and I know many will say she’s in a better place and up there she’s “better off”… but in my heart she’s “better off” with me here alive. She’s the one that got away. She’s the one that’ll have me questioning if “I’m doing this right?” For the rest of my life. She’s the one I live for. I have to make sure it’s right. When hello and goodbye come at the same time you live with a life of questions no matter how much better you are.

This is me being better. Being able to share my little girl and speak about her. Oh yes I’m crying as I write this. UGLY why me crying but the only way is through…. and when it comes to her my tears will never stop falling. I love you my forever baby.


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